Wow its been three weeks. So much has changed.

It was fun to take a walk with Olivia last night. The cool crisp air soothed the both of us. I think it might be a regular thing.

My dearest Olivia,

You are three weeks old today.

I can't believe it has been that long since you have been the center of our universe.

It really seems like just yesterday you were born. I wish time would go a bit more slowly. The days kind of seem like one long one. I love being your mother. I seeing you grow. You are my joy. Though it is a bit bittersweet seeing you grow because I want to keep you a tiny baby forever sometimes.

Your eyes are now grey. You've had your first manicure and have lost your belly button. Your smile still lights me up.

I love you forever and ever Olivia Bolivia.

Mama

My Dearest Niel,

Happy first Father's Day honey. I know we thought this day would never come with the struggles you and I faced to have Olivia. Although we are still trying to find a new normal as parents it is so wonderful to see you with our daughter. You are very sweet together.

Although you struggle with issues with losing your dad too early I hope the joy Olivia brings you helps to heal that sad part of your heart.

I love you very much and always will.

father's day

I've always thought the Father's Day was a fake holiday. But this morning I'm holding Olivia in my arms and watchin Sports Center. I don't know if its still fake, but its nice.

inspiration

Every morning when I leave for work and I kiss Olivia, I am inspired to work harder to succeed for her.

Honestly I have worked really hard this week and will continue to do so, because not only do I want Olivia and Ani to live comfortably but I want them to be proud of me. I know Ani is, since she is the president of my fan club, but O hasn't gotten her membership card or the autographed 5x7 photo yet.

Olivia had a rough night last night. As did the husband and I. We believe she cried for six hours straight. If that isn't Colic I don't know what is. She was a totally different baby. Pretty much nothing soothed her. We would get a few seconds of distraction from carrying her a certain way, singing to her, giving her all natural Colic medicine, switching rooms or giving her a Soothie. Thank fully Olivia was back to her happy self this morning around 3.

the lengths

It is funny the lengths that you will go for your baby. And I'm not talking all the way to White Plains. Yesterday during the fourth day of New York's HeatWave 2008 the AC unit died. So I get a text message that we need a new one.

Usually I'd say let's deal with a fan or two, but after getting home at 8pm I headed out to get an AC. I found a small one that would cool down one room. I carried it up stairs and started installing. Then the winds began. A thunderstorm blew through and stopped the instalation. At least it cooled the house significantly enough to make it comfy.

It was so comfy that around midnight the three of headed into the bedroom and she slept most of the night. Olivia woke up for a feeding and for a dirty diaper. But otherwise she gave mom and dad a well deserved good night sleep.

My dearest Olivia,

You are now two weeks old. Well you will be at 7:06pm tonight. 2 weeks ago today I was having terrible contractions which I thought were false labor pains, which they sent me home two times previously for.

How could I possibly have contractions knowing I would be scheduled for a C-section 3 days later. But you my dear had your own agenda. You are very much your own person. Curious, happy, enjoy eating and sleeping. And boy if you are disturbed you are one angry little baby.

I love your hairy little ears, shoulders and back. The cooing noises you make when you are awake or the laughing noise you make when you are asleep. And I know it is just gas but you have the sweetest smile.

I never realized how good being a parent felt but also so very scary. My main goal is just to protect you and make sure you are happy. You and your daddy are my whole world. I love you Olivia Bolivia and I always will.

Love,
Mama

nature vs nurture

Many of my relatives tell me and my brother do things, and have similar interests to our dad (he died when we were 5 and 2). Being a writer or a painter isn't something you pick up when you are that young. They say that we stand like him or we laugh or whatever. It makes me sad when I hear that since I don't have many memories of him.

But what is amazing is how true those things are. I was watching TV, and Olivia is asleep on her Boppy and Ani is asleep on the love seat, and they are leaning the same exact way. Both leaning back and to the left. It kind of looked like a painting of the same person through time. But I guess the next person would be 66 years old and 9 foot 2 inches tall, that probably would be a record.

First day back

I'm writing this as I wait for the commuter train back home.I know once I sit down on the train I'll be out. It was pretty tough today, but there was a great out pouring of love from my co-workerrs. And my boss did say they were very lost without me there. Nice.

back to work

I knew this day would be tough, but it would have to come. I'm going back to work this morning.

I was up with Olivia till about 3am and then got three quality hours of sleep. I feel fine, but as I'm waiting for the bus for the first leg of my journey, its way too hot even in the shade and I miss my girls. I haven't been home for two weeks straight since before I got my current job. So it will be weird being back in a world without feedings every two and a half hours or so, and watching the View and CNN

Ani didn't take it to great when I was leaving. I think we are going to have to start training her for when Olivia goes to school.

My husband went back to work this morning. That was so difficult. I was dreading this ever since Olivia was born. I knew the time would go by too quickly and I really wanted the two of them to have quality time together, since he doesn't get as much of a leave as I do. I hope his boss doesn't make him work too late so he can come home and be with Olivia. But knowing him he'll now work even harder to provide for his daughter.

so fast

After nearly two weeks we have seen Olivia grow and change so much. We have changed so much ourselves. Tonight we were practically giving hi-fives when she pooped. And boy did she poop.

My best friend has a son who is just over six months old, and he sends us photos pretty much every day. Its funny his son looks like a little kid, it was only a few months ago when he was a baby-baby like Olivia. Its exciting but sad also knowing that she is growing so fast.

Olivia and us

We met in college about twelve years ago, six years ago we got married and less than two weeks ago we welcomed our first child Olivia.

Wow that was really brief. In between our first meeting at our school's newspaper, and a rainy night at New York's Mt Sinai hospital, we both got careers going, and went through a few years of infertility treatments.

Now its OLIVIA AND US.

Since You've Arrived

Olivia has been in this world for ten days now. Olivia is funny and I love having her around. Her sweet little face and the noises she makes gets me through healing from surgery and the tiredness. We have late night parties with talk show hosts. So far Conan is winning. Watching her grow is bittersweet.